This is something that I have been asked pretty often, how did I share the news with my family.
The first person I told this was my Mom, she understood fully. She supported me and was very excited to see how everything would pan out for me. I have previously mentioned that my mother was a Single Mom because my father made her one. I didn’t want to risk repeating that cycle at all, so I did what I wanted to do versus what society wanted me to do.
I honestly didn’t have a specific order in which I told people but I told my parents first. Now, my father had the most interesting reaction. He didn’t want me having children at all because he felt that since I am his only daughter that he is obligated to my time and energy. When I told him, he could “kiss my ass or kiss his new grand baby”, he ultimately decided to kiss my ass. He really felt bad that I didn’t want to do things “traditionally”. But I guess having to look in the mirror at his own actions and watching me break cycles hits right in the feels. He does not know his own grandchild which is so sad, but he made a choice and I hope his ass itches every day of his life.
Telling my friends was interesting because I saw who was really for me and who was not. I got laughed at, mocked, and the vibe that some of them felt I wasn’t capable. But I also had extremely supportive friends who came through when I needed them most. I mean they came and did my laundry, came with meals, and showered my daughter with love.
When I announced my pregnancy after a string of hospitalizations for the Hyperemesis “HG”. I was genuinely scared, I was more afraid of announcing my pregnancy and losing my fight. HG is deadly, I didn’t land in the ICU for dehydration for no reason. One of my friends also had an HG pregnancy and had a late term loss. But I just remember everyone being happy and flooding me with love and support. I told most of my extended family in person and that is where, the ignorance was abundant. I remember my Godmother being very hasty and downplaying my sickness, and now she wonders why we don’t speak. Then my other Aunt was trying her best to get information on my child’s father. I mean she even went as far as to tell me that the man was embarrassed to be with me and that’s why I wouldn’t show her pictures. Too bad she didn’t go this hard for her own grandkids because, when your child owes over $100k in back-owed child support, I don’t think you get to say much about anything. I had a cousin chastise me because I was raised with examples, however…there is no marriage in our family that I wish to be apart of.
I came into this world with no fucks to give. Honestly, I didn’t care what anyone thought about what I was doing because well, this is my life. The only person I ever took into consideration was the child I was carrying. I didn’t want her being exposed to all that negativity and toxicity so I left my family of origin. Her right to privacy is more important that me maintaining contact with people who are just mean and nasty for no reason.
The most excited people were my Titi Sandra and my Titi Mary, I mean they didn’t miss a beat when it came to my pregnancy. I was always called, checked on, sent cards, and although my Titi Sandra passed away when my daughter was a few months old, she loved her. Titi Mary and my Uncle Leo love and adore my daughter. Since my grandfather has dementia, they have stepped in to be the “great-grandparents” on his behalf and I couldn’t be more happy.
Did you know that my Welo told me that I was pregnant the day before I took the test? You heard that right. My sweet guy had become ill at his nursing facility, he was taken to the hospital, and I of course went to see him. As soon as I walked in the room, he said “Hey Good lookin! There’s my two girls”. Of course I’m looking at him like he’s covered in blue paint. So the very next day I took a test and I was pregnant. I did tell my grandfather prior to the advancement of his dementia and he was extremely excited. My daughter loves visiting with him and he always tells her “I needed you”.
There are people who do not agree with or understand my decision and I’m not wasting my energy on them. It just tells me that you either not bold enough to step like me, or you really need to get out your mom’s basement and touch some grass. Like I could never care that much about what a stranger does in their life (except with car seats – I’m a CPST).
I want to make it known that I do not argue with men about body parts or experiences that they do not and cannot have.
If you are on this journey, please let me know how did your family and friends react?